How do I ask someone if they want to be my toking buddy?

Dear Jane, I recently learned that one of my colleagues smokes weed, which is (unfortunately) pretty unusual in our community. I’ve been trying to find an “in” with this person for a long time, and I feel like this is the perfect opportunity, but I’m not sure how to approach them with this. How do I ask someone I only sort of know and really want to be friends with if they want to be my toking buddy? All insights (and dialogue ideas) are much appreciated. —Piper Pots

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Piper Pots,

I’m so happy you discovered this about your colleague! Stoners…they live among us. I am pretty blatant about my cannabis use, but not everyone is quite so open. When I say I’m blatant, I mean that I will take a hit while I’m walking around my subdivision without trying to hide it. Or I will openly admit to having eaten a gummy before my kid’s baseball game.

My son made a friend in his 3k program, and we decided to have a playdate. The other boy and his mom came over, and we chatted for a couple hours. Near the end, she blurted out, “I don’t know how you feel about smoking weed but I can get you some.”

Now just imagine me with my mouth hanging open and toddlers yelling and babies crying in the background. It was beautiful. Was this woman my soulmate? Turns out, no. But she is my boss.

I think it is important for you to know that the ball is in your court right now. You have this valuable piece of information about your colleague, and you can play that card anytime.

I get it though, it can be a scary card to play. So if you’re not ready to ask outright, here are some ideas:

• Ease in and ask them if they’ve ever had CBD.
• Ask them, “Do you smoke?” (still stigmatized, but a little less maybe)
• Ask them if they’ve ever been to that coffee shop that just so happens to be right next door to your local dispensary.
• Try slipping in some stoner lingo that only stoners would know and that could also mean something else (and that you could totally backpedal if you need to)
• “I was totally greening out in my garden the other day…”
• “I love a good hash.” (pause before elaborating on your love of hashbrowns)
• “Have you ever been to a bake sale?”
• Tell a weed joke.

If you’re feeling a little more confident, or if you’ve gotten some hints from them after trying the above ideas, try casually bringing up a new strain that you tried a few weeks back, mentioning something about when you were high with a buddy the other day, or asking if, by the way, do they ever go to that dispensary by the coffee shop?

Be open minded. Maybe you found a new smoking buddy? Or maybe you found a colleague that smokes. Either one is a pretty big win.

Bluntly,
Jane